The Search for Connection
by Nanci Bradley
We can spend most of our life searching for connection – with lovers, friends, family and colleagues. For many of us, there is a fundamental yearning for connection and companionship within our soul.
But when that yearning becomes desperation, we can also begin to attract connections that are less healthy.
Each connection in our life can provide the opportunity of a lesson or learning, whether the relationship was healthy or not. It is through our connections with others, that we can learn more about ourselves and our own woundings.
How our connections provide a mirror
Most people have experienced an unhealthy relationship at some point in their life, whether this was with a parent, friend or partner. It is in these relationships that the lessons can be most obvious, even though they are harsh teachers.
One example, from my own experience when I was in primary school and had a friend, who was less connected to me than I was to her. This lead to actions taken on both our sides that created a less healthy dynamic between us.
But the fact that I would continue chasing her and seeking her out, even though I was not valued or wanted, and had other friendships in which I was more valued and seen, mirrored my own opinion of myself back to me. That I was not wanted or valuable, that my friendship and presence was a burden to be put up with.
We usually attract and stay in situations that we feel like we deserve, even if only on a subconscious level.
By understanding our own inner belief system that have led us into this current situation, we can begin to create change and therefore step into connections that enrich our lives.
What about healthy relationships?
However, these learnings are not just limited to unhealthy relationships, all of our connections can help us understand aspects of ourselves. It is usually just gentler and harder to find in our more healthy connections.
One example of this is in my business relationships. Although I work well with various people, there is nothing unhealthy about our connections, I also can notice that I usually step into the background, supporting role. This role is important and needs to be done, however, it also reflects my own attitudes that I may not be deserving or have enough experience to be in the spotlight.
By noticing our feelings, beliefs, actions and attitudes towards the connections within our life, we can see different parts of ourselves reflected back at us.
Whether this is defensiveness about someone being called ‘too sensitive’ because we were often labelled that way, or feeling resentful towards someone who sets strong boundaries because we struggle to do this and often get overwhelmed with tasks as a result.
It is all just small pieces of information about ourselves, that we can simply acknowledge, or if it is relevant, take steps to change.
Attracting Rather than Chasing
This is a popular topic that I often see online in recent years, and it is becoming relevant to more people as they understand their woundings and begin shifting into a new version of themselves.
As we understand more about ourselves, we usually get better and better at finding the balance between attracting the connections that we desire, placing effort and energy into these relationships, while also maintaining our new beliefs and standards for these relationships.
Both chasing others and pushing them away are reflections of inner attitudes and beliefs about ourselves and the world, which we can begin transforming through our relationships or by creating distance and beginning anew.
I would invite you to spend some time reflecting upon your own connections and what aspect of yourself becomes obvious in your thoughts, feelings and attitudes in this relationship. Using that self-understanding as a foundation for either attracting new connections or maintaining those that you have.
It is usually when we begin to believe that we are worthy of the love, attention, time and energy that others place into us, that we begin to attract those deep, meaningful connections we have been searching for.
Begin your journey today!
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